Very hard decission for me emotionally?

you have to find ways to cut edges without your beardy suffering. you could start breeding your oen crickets (apparenly its easy ) use either newspaper or playsand as bedding as both are much cheaper than reptile sand. also youcould ask your local grocer if he has damaged vegs and salad ( not gone off but maybe brusied by transport). those vegs are usually thrown away and he'll probably give them to you for either free or for a very low price. you can also grow herbs such as parsly, dandelion etc on your window still .the saved money youcan put into a savings box in case of vet emergency's. hope this helps ( oh, and since you have a car, use it only when your way is longer than a mile or if you have something yo transport. walk the rest. it pays off!